Break from Social Media: Day 1

Social media is a huge platform for people to stay connected. From Instagram to Snapchat to Twitter and more, people are constantly on their phones, checking for updates and notifications. Although these platforms are a great way to share your daily life and stay connected with all your friends, it’s not necessarily the best thing, for me at least. Everyone is different and everyone sees social media differently. Myself? It’s damaging to me.

Last night, I found myself scrolling through Instagram and that was the beginning of me becoming very sad for the rest of the night. There were several reasons for that which I will not get into but at the end of the night, I ended up simply deleting the app. It wasn’t just that one night, a majority of times, I find myself scrolling through the app, comparing myself to others and that is definitely not healthy. Therefore, I’ve simply decided to delete it for the time being, maybe just for a couple of days for me to breath.

I only really use 3 social media apps, Instagram, snapchat and twitter. Only one I got left now on my phone is twitter, so I can keep updated with bands and announcements (don’t judge me). I feel like without social media, I can stay focused more and not have to be staring at my phone all the time. Moreover, social media does help you stay connected with your friends but it doesn’t necessarily help you converse with them. And that’s what people need to realize. You don’t need to broadcast your life every second of the day. You don’t have to know what EVERYONE is up to at every hour. So here’s to my first day of being social media free (mostly). So let’s see how it goes.

I probably won’t go that long without it, maybe a couple of days? Up to a week. Don’t think I will blog about this on a day to day basis but I’ll update once or twice. If you haven’t tried taking a break from social media yet, you should definitely give it a try. Take a breather, do something, and stop getting so hung up on what everyone else is doing while you’re at home in your bed, watching TV and snacking on a bag of chips because you know what, that is totally okay.

Dear Past Me,

Dear past me,

If I remember correctly, these next few weeks are very bittersweet for you. This time, when you were completely alone, when all your friends left you and you practically had no one, it never completely goes away but trust me, it gets a whole lot better. Cherish the new friendships that you did make because in a few months, you barely talk to any of these people anymore. Be proud of the decision you made, to transfer schools, just embrace the decision you made because either way, you’ll regret it, transfer or not.

I can tell you that although the year was horrible, thinking back, it wasn’t too bad. You made new friends, found a best friend that you now talk with everyday despite haven’t seen her for almost a year now, and you did a bunch of cool stuff. Don’t doubt yourself in every situation possible, and try to be confident. It’ll help you get through a lot and make your life easier.

If there’s anything you should take away from this horrid year of yours, its that you’ve grown to not have to depend on people all the damn time. You’ve become so much more independent and you should think of that as a good thing. You’ll come to learn why in the future. And keep having to depend on yourself because no one’s gonna be there for you except yourself. I know that pretty cliche for me to say, and believe me, I hate most things cliche but I guess their cliche for a reason, it’s cause their the truth. Continue to have a blast and enjoy every moment, because in a few months, you’ll start to become way to nostalgic over this time.

 

May

I’m kind of speechless, knowing that it is already may (or almost at least). Summer is nearing and school can finally be over but I can’t help but hope time would pass by a tad slower. I am the type to get nostalgic a lot and I’m constantly getting hung over the concept of time. But at the same time, it’s also a bit of a wake up call, for me to do something more with my life instead of being coped up in my room the entire day (which is not recommended). I decided to make a list of 10 things I would do in May, and hopefully keep myself occupied throughout the month.

  • Make a zine
  • Go to a cute coffee shop
  • Take lots of photos, LOTS
  • Go boarding every weekend
  • Keep this blog active and try to blog a few times every week
  • Start planning for your short film
  • Buy a new plant
  • Make a list of new foods to make so you can stop eating pasta every day
  • Redecorate your room
  • FIND. A. JOB.

Cheers to hopefully a good May.

Needle In A Haystack

I walk into the cafeteria each day, envying what other people around me have, friends. More specifically, individuals who make them feel comfortable, belonging, not alone. Don’t get me wrong, I most certainly have friends and people around me but I don’t particularly remember the last time I didn’t feel alone in my group of friends, the last time I felt like I genuinely belonged there. Friends can easily be a needle in a haystack, a hit or a miss. You believe you found the people that are like you, people you feel like are genuine people who you “belong” with, but turns out you were wrong. And it hurts sometimes.  Simply the thought of not having anyone around you, and constantly feeling alone is not a pleasant feeling. Being left out drives you insane, makes you sad, wanting to crawl under a table and it’s unfortunate how none of these “friends” will understand how I feel because I’m the type of person who will never say anything about these sort of situations.

I remember during my grade 9 year, I transferred to a different school than all of my friends. That was a terrible day. I met up with my friends after school and they kept talking and talking about all these new friends they made and how much of a great time it was. Those moments still stand so vivid in my mind. I remember sitting there on my friend’s couch listening and thinking back to my own day and it was horrible. I was and still am  a relatively quiet person with social anxiety and did not understand how to talk to someone I don’t know. I remember sitting there envying her of how she could do it so easily yet I couldn’t. And I was embarrassed that I couldn’t make friends so I never said anything about it. That entire grade 9 year was a mess and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more alone than that one year.

Back to the point though, constantly feeling left out of a friend group isn’t fun. There are days where I spend my lunch wanting to just get up and leave because I simply sit there for the entire lunch period barely saying a word. I feel unimportant? Invisible? And I wish someone would see it, someone would understand me.

But no one ever does.

Snap Out Of It

Over the course of this month, I’ve come to many realizations of myself, some in which I hate to admit. Moreover, this month has been an absolute month of stress. From school, to people, I find myself constantly just wanting let go of everything. This month though, I have realized how easily discouraged I can become, leading me to situations where I end up pitying myself which I absolutely hate. Being so easily discouraged is a horrible feeling and these times make me hate being myself in a way. Being discouraged from constantly comparing myself to other people, discouraged from not being able to accomplish something I was so surely I was going to be successful in, it’s definitely not a good feeling.

It’s ironic, I constantly remind people around me to not give a damn about what other people think about them, yet here I am giving a damn about what other people thought about me. This month has made me realize that although for the past two years, I’ve tried not to care about what others thought, it’s now all coming back to me. It’s difficult not caring about others opinions because, their people and their opinions affect you. But here’s the thing, you have to snap out of that mindset. I have to snap out of that mindset again.

But then again, it’s not that easy.

Volunteering Abroad

I was always intrigued with the idea of doing an exchange program for years when my sister embarked on her trip for 10 months in a different country. After several years, I have slowly pushed that idea away and lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about volunteering abroad. Back in November, I spent days researching and finding different companies but I decided not to because of finances. However, I told myself if I found a job, I would definitely push myself to do this. Of course, I never found one and decided to push that thought away.

A few days ago, I began thinking about this and decided to start job searching more seriously. After a while of searching, I found the one program that interests me greatly. As for myself, I have always wanted to do something conservation wise and therefore, I have currently settled for a program in Africa that revolves around conservation. Am I for sure doing this? 110% no. Finances is the biggest problem. I have no intention of asking my parents for money. Moreover, it sounds exciting at first but when I start to think about it for too long, I get scared? It’s a really big risk to take for me, just being thousand of miles away from home alone? That scares me. I’m afraid that I’ll end up being uncomfortable and alone? Travelling somewhere else for 2 weeks alone is just very outside of my comfort zone. However, I am determined to push myself to do this and regardless if this happens or not, I know for a fact that in the near future after I graduate, I will definitely do this. As for now, here goes for more contemplating on this idea.

Why School Is A Struggle

I don’t consider myself as one of the typical “I hate school” people but nevertheless, I do hate school. Not for the obvious work load and exams problems (although is probably still a factor). Don’t get me wrong, I think learning is such a great thing, the fact that I can learn new topics and different things to do everyday is pretty fascinating to me. However let’s start with the obvious ones first. Work and constant projects we get bombarded with. It’s different within each school, city and country the amount of work we get but I wish teachers would consider more about teaching us then the amount of work we get. I understand why we get homework and projects and they’re okay from time to time but sometimes it gets so hectic to the point where we have to pull all nighters and be pulled away from our actual life.

Marks. The past year and a half, I have slowly grown away from caring so much about marks as I did 2 years ago but it still bothers me how there are teachers who judge you based on what you’re getting in their class. For most people, these numbers take over their head and let them define them as who you are but in reality, these marks don’t mean much other then what you are receiving in each class. What if you’re trying really hard in this class and putting your best effort in it and receive a 65? I used to let these numbers get all over my head and I often forgot the part where I tried my best and if that is going to get me a 65, then so be it.

People. As for myself, I have really bad social anxiety (although I think it has improved over the last year), I am horrible at speaking to people, oral presentations, really horrible at making friends, you get the point. It is often so hard to just get through school when you constantly have such bad anxiety. Moreover, there are just some people who make it harder for you to get through the day whether it be your ‘friends’ or just people in your grade. Of course, you can’t forget about the teachers who don’t teach? For example, I have this one course that I’m taking that I absolutely enjoy but the teacher makes it miserable for the entire class making me dread this class every single day.

Pressure. Especially from parents. For someone who has an older sibling who basically exceeded in all her subjects, it’s mildly difficult. I always feel like I have to live up to what she did when she was in my grade. My parents told me once that it’s not important if I don’t get the same marks as my sister but then start bashing about me with other people isn’t exactly comforting?

There’s far more many reasons as to why school is a struggle and I’ll maybe perhaps make a part 2 in the near future as I can ramble forever about this topic. School is great in so many aspects but for me at this point of my life, the struggles and negativity of schools trumps the positive points of school.

Top 5 Albums of 2016

2016 was definitely a year that everyone was blessed with amazing music from all different sorts of artists. From releases in pop to rap to rock, it was for sure a very musical year. My top 5 albums of 2016 will be more focused on the rock genre since that is what I listen to. If you have yet to hear about any of these albums or bands, be sure to check them out. There’s not much to lose from listening to new music.
1007012693

5. I Couldn’t Be Weaker // Rarity 

I discovered this band back in July of 2016 when they opened up for Seaway in Toronto. I checked out a few of their songs before attending their concert and I was certainly impressed. When I finally sat down and listened to their album in full, there are definitely no songs that I would skip. From front to back, it is a beautifully written album that connects to me a lot which is one of the reasons why I love this album so much. Some personal favourites off of this record are Hollow, Stranger and Exhale.

p99_1

4. Evermore // Homesafe

This album only came out a bit over a month ago and I infact did not actually check out this album until a couple weeks after it’s release but regardless, I was very glad I decided to give this album a play. I was instantly hooked on the first track, headache which is also one of my favourites off of this record. Every song gets  me in all different ways and it is definitely one of the records I jam out to the most currenty. This album has also made me want to see them live, which I might since they are coming next month. Some personal favourites off this record are Headache and Hourglass.

moosebloodblushalbumcover

3. Blush // Moose Blood

2 words. Mind blowing. I honestly love moose blood with all my heart and are in fact seeing them in March which makes me even more excited. Blush is such a beautifully written album that is calming in a way. Listening to this album constantly just makes me melt and Eddie’s voice is just so relaxing and nice. Also, can I just say how aesthetic this album cover is though? It just goes so well with the name and forever digging the simplicity. Some personal favourites off of this record are Knuckle, Sulk and Freckle.

fc650628d569cd265c41f9b1e34e50f2

2. Holy Ghost // Modern Baseball

Really wish I got into this band earlier because they are out of this world. I’ve actually checked them out maybe a year ago and I definitely could not say I liked this band but months later when I decided to check them out again, I instantly fell in love. Holy Ghost, released in May 2016 features many tracks that will instantly have you in love with this band. I love the sound of this album and each individual track is amazing in it’s own way. Some personal favourites off of this album are Note to Self, Everyday and Just Another Face.

jribujen

1. Outgrown Things // Movements

I’d be lying if I say I do not basically jam this EP practically every day because it is THAT good. I discovered Movements back in march when they opened up for Real Friends on their $5 tour and I have been a fan ever since. Over the past few months, this band has become one of my favourites. Outgrown things to me, has no flaw. It’s such a perfect album in my eyes and a solid 5/5. The lyrics to every song hits so me so hard and the vocals and music are just magnificent. Nineteen was the first song I ever discovered from them and a part of the song goes “Sucess is not determined by leather bond books or ink on paper” and I feel as if this one lyrics has helped me these painful school years. Movements is definitely a band to check out if you haven’t yet and they are also releasing an album sometime in the summer. Personal favourites off this EP are worst wishes but honestly, they are all pretty equal to me.

Goodbye ’16, Hello ’17

I have not posted anything on this blog in almost half a year but ‘What better time to get back into blogging than at the beginning of a new year?’ So I guess here I am? I am going to expand this blog more and work on building it while writing about what I like to write about.

So, 2016. Not sure if I could call it a blur but I can for sure say it’s been a heck of a ride to get me to where I am as of now. As many negative things there were that have happened last year, there were tons of good things as well. I think what made my year so hectic and fun were the amount of concerts I went to last year. I had a goal to go to 5 concerts last year as I was just starting to go to concerts regularly. Ended up going to 11-12 and throughout all those concerts, I’ve learned how happy it makes me. Some might call this cheesy but concerts are like my second home if not my first. Moreover, last year, I decided to take another big leap and change the course of my life in hopes of becoming happier. I decided to transfer schools (yet again) to where most of my friends were. and damn were the first few months probably the worst of the entire year. I ended up missing the friendships I made at my old school and constantly was feeling alone but here I am though, in 2017 and I can say it’s not as bad anymore. I still get unhappy from time to time, sometimes I still don’t understand why I ever wanted to transfer in the first place but it’s gotten better.

On to 2017 though, I don’t think I’ve always  been much of a fan of New Years. Mainly because I’m not too keen on the aspect of time, and how it just keeps going? The fact that it is going to be a whole new year and I am going to be one year older sort of freaks me out in a way? Regardless I am excited for the new year and all the new memories and laughter that will come. I have only started to regularly attend concerts last year, making this year a lot more exciting for me just thinking about the amount of concerts I’ll be attending. Also, I can get my drivers license this year and I’ve always wanted to drive so that’s something exciting for this year. Regardless of what happens in 2017 though, I’m confident that at the end of the year, I’ll look back and be able to reflect on the hundreds of good things that happened throughout the year.

To anyone reading, I hope you end up going out of your comfort zone this year and do things that you enjoy. Hope all goes well this year and have a happy new year.

 

Seaway Concert

Yesterday was honestly such an sick night, I wish I could relive it so badly. Last night reminded me of why I love music and concerts so much, it’s what I live for. Shoutout to the guy who asked me if I was okay like 5 times and helped me get back up, like bless his soul but anyways, if you haven’t heard of Seaway, definitely take some time to check them out. They’re one hell of a good band and crazy good live. Last night’s concert was so hectic, I legit got like 1 photo. But who am I to complain because I think last night I really genuinely lived through the concert with my eyes and not with my phone. I should do that more often.

I want to do more music posts on this blog but I fear that many would not care? I’m not sure, I guess I’ll see how it goes. Anywho, last few days have been on the good side of things and we’re heading to the end of July and I’ll be real, July has been a pretty good month.