It’s suffocating

I feel so extra. The odd one out.

Brief rundown of today: It’s Canada Day and my friend asked me to go to this place we go every year to watch fireworks and obviously, I went with her. Let’s call her xyz. She found out some of her friends were here also so I asked her why she didn’t go with them and xyz told me she wanted to come with me. That was such a lie.

Not even 2 minutes after she found out basically her entire group of friends was here and xyz said how she didn’t even know. That was when I realised just how extra I was. Maybe this doesn’t make sense to anyone but that’s okay. She ended up meeting with some of her friends halfway through and at that point, I just felt so out of place. My entire life, I’ve never felt right, I’ve always felt like I didn’t belong anywhere and that feeling, you never get used to it.

I really need to patch things up on the relationship with my group of friends if I don’t want to become a total loner in high school next year but I’m just so afraid that even if I ask to hang out with them, it would be so different. I’m afraid of feeling so left out like I have the past few times we have hung out. I’m afraid of accepting the distance that we’ve become.

At the end of the day, this may not seem like a big deal in someone else’s point of view but I feel so lost. Every single time things just happen to be going great, there’s always something to ruin that and it’s been like that my entire life.

12:03 am, signing out.


3 thoughts on “It’s suffocating

  1. trashandcheese says:

    I have been and am still in this situation. My best friend has her friends and when she asks me to go out with her she usually brings along two or three other people. Im usually left there to sit on my phone or awkwardly look between all of them as they laugh at an inside joke.

    The best way to face this situation is to think, if those friends really make you the odd one out it’s not worth closing the gap in the relationship. At least from what I’ve learned. Having fewer friends is alot better than having many with a weird status.

    Don’t try to think about the negative too much! Embrace the positive, not everything can go our way. I hope you feel better soon 💙☺


    • Caitlin says:

      The problem is, is I’m heading to a different high school this year and they’re the only ones I know so I don’t exactly have a choice and I need to stick with them but thanks, it means a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Elm says:

    Hey, I understand that. Whatever’s important to you, and is causing you upset, is VERY worthy of talking about. I feel extra too, and left out sometimes; you’re not alone.


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