Seaway Concert

Yesterday was honestly such an sick night, I wish I could relive it so badly. Last night reminded me of why I love music and concerts so much, it’s what I live for. Shoutout to the guy who asked me if I was okay like 5 times and helped me get back up, like bless his soul but anyways, if you haven’t heard of Seaway, definitely take some time to check them out. They’re one hell of a good band and crazy good live. Last night’s concert was so hectic, I legit got like 1 photo. But who am I to complain because I think last night I really genuinely lived through the concert with my eyes and not with my phone. I should do that more often.

I want to do more music posts on this blog but I fear that many would not care? I’m not sure, I guess I’ll see how it goes. Anywho, last few days have been on the good side of things and we’re heading to the end of July and I’ll be real, July has been a pretty good month.

Moving Forward

The past month has been progressively better, but of course, there will always be those days where I’m completely down, that’s just a part of life I guess. However, the past month, I’ve come to a realization and began to try and accept myself for me. In no way am I ashamed of who I am and other people’s words shouldn’t make me ashamed of who I am. There are so many many things I hate about myself but at the end of the day, I’m glad that I’m ‘different’ from other people’s normal. I’m happy that I can be so weird and fuck it, if you don’t like it, then it’s not my problem.

I’ve come to a realization about other people’s judgement. I get that if you’ve got people staring at you constantly it can be hurtful but why EVER care about what other people think about you when they have no relevance to your life. You may never talk to them, interact with them whatsoever, so why worry about it. At the end of the day, everyone is one day going to die including yourself so WHY get so lost in your head because of other people’s judgements about you.One day when you’re 80, 90, you’re going to realize how stupid it was to care about what other people think about you, so why not realize it now until 60, 70 years later? Realize it now and save yourself some time.

It’s suffocating

I feel so extra. The odd one out.

Brief rundown of today: It’s Canada Day and my friend asked me to go to this place we go every year to watch fireworks and obviously, I went with her. Let’s call her xyz. She found out some of her friends were here also so I asked her why she didn’t go with them and xyz told me she wanted to come with me. That was such a lie.

Not even 2 minutes after she found out basically her entire group of friends was here and xyz said how she didn’t even know. That was when I realised just how extra I was. Maybe this doesn’t make sense to anyone but that’s okay.¬†She ended up meeting with some of her friends halfway through and at that point, I just felt so out of place. My entire life, I’ve never felt right, I’ve always felt like I didn’t belong anywhere and that feeling, you never get used to it.

I really need to patch things up on the relationship with my group of friends if I don’t want to become a total loner in high school next year but I’m just so afraid that even if I ask to hang out with them, it would be so different. I’m afraid of feeling so left out like I have the past few times we have hung out. I’m afraid of accepting the distance that we’ve become.

At the end of the day, this may not seem like a big deal in someone else’s point of view but I feel so lost. Every single time things just happen to be going great, there’s always something to ruin that and it’s been like that my entire life.

12:03 am, signing out.