A Hole

I have been feeling very empty the past couple of days. There’s some sort of deep hollow hole embedded into me that I wish could be soon filled because I hate this feelings. The feeling of emptiness because sometimes, that emptiness hurts. It’s difficult living life constantly feeling like you don’t belong here. I feel as if people all go through these times where they feel as if no one cares, and as much as I say that, I know that the truth is that someone does care. However, I guess what I’m trying to say when I say ‘No one cares’ is no one cares in the way that other people are cared for.

I’m sure if I hit up any of my friends with my problems, they will most definitely listen and hear me out but there’s a difference between just simply listening and helping in a way that can assure me and make me feel better. I’m not sure if this even makes any sense because I’m not the best at putting my thoughts into words but that’s that.

I don’t ever talk about any of my problems with people for several reasons. 1 being I don’t see a point in talking about something that they either don’t care about or can’t do anything about. 2 being I’ve lost absolutely all my close friendships that ever existed and therefore, there’s not exactly anyone to talk to. 3 being at the end of the day, I guess I’m not comfortable.

It’s been a rough week and it’s just one of those weeks that I’ve let my head get the best of me. I guess this is where this blog comes in, just being able to type it all out, it helps me make sense of my own feelings.

and that’s that.

 

It’s late and I’m stuck hurting

I’ve been up for the past hour simply just talking to myself, talking myself through things and it’s made me realise a lot things from my life. I’m stuck with people who make me really unhappy, who say things to me that almost always bring me down, makes me feel insecure and just unhappy in general. It’s unfortunate because at least for the time being, I can’t get out of this group of friends and I’m also not capable to make new friends myself because well, I’m just this introverted, anti-social kid whose life just always ends up in all the wrong places.

I began to continue thinking, everyone I know’s got someone, someone they can always rely on and talk to. Realising that, it hurt a lot, not just mentally but physically? It was pain I felt from the insides of my body because I don’t exactly have anyone I could ever rely on. No one that really honestly cares enough to just ask about my day, how I’m doing, how’s life.

I think a lot of things first start with myself first of all. I don’t know how to approach anyone new, short tempered, people usually think I hate them when in reality I don’t, it’s just the way I act, but most of all, I’m absolutely horrible at maintaining relationships. A lot of negative things have come from the fact that I can’t maintain a relationship and maybe that’s why I’m stuck in the situation I am now. Heck, who can I blame.

All in all, people destroy people and that’s not right.

1:49am, signing out.