It’s been pretty bad lately, to the point where no matter where I am, no matter who I’m with, I always just want to break down and cry. Long story short, I decided to stay at the school I am currently attending a few days ago instead of transferring to this other school where I was originally suppose to go, and also where all my of my closest friends are. However when I did finally tell my one friend at this school I am attending currently, the things she said felt weird to me so I figured something was up which I then asked her if she was even planning on staying at this school? Until she finally revealed to me that she wasn’t, she was most likely going to transfer the year after next year to this new school being built because herself and her friend wanted to graduate together.
That was when it hit me hard and at that point, I just felt so alone I just wanted to cry. She was basically one of my only friends at this school and the only person who knew how miserable I actually was at this school but at the end of the day, I still decided to stay at this school for her because I knew she was going to be all alone, although I still had other reasons why I wanted to stay.
I guess I’m just talking to myself here but even if I stay at school, I know she’s going to leave me and I don’t want to risk being all alone when she’s gone during the last 2 years of high school. For the past few days, I’ve been just so stressed out on whether or not I still want to transfer and the truth is, my gut is telling me to transfer because I know how it feels to be all alone and I hate that feeling but my heart is telling me to stay cause I sort of really do like the school.
Nowadays though, just every little thing is getting to me, and it just hurts to feel anything at all and god how I with this could all just go away so badly.