I was at the hospital yesterday visiting my aunt for the first time ever since she has been admitted to the hospital and long story short, she was diagnosed with cancer about a year and a half ago I believe. Throughout my life, I’ve never had a close relationship with her and probably only saw her 4-5 times a year despite her living literally right behind my house. Our backyards are even connected for god sake. I never really talked to her at all even if I saw her but of course it still felt sad. However, when I did get to the hospital, it was a lot more sad that I had ever imagined.
To see someone lying there about to pass away, it’s heartbreaking, even if you don’t know them that well which is why I absolutely hate hospitals. It makes me reflect on my own life and realize countless times that I should be doing something more in my life. I should do everything that I want to so if I were to ever lie in that hospital bed, about to die, I wouldn’t have to reflect back on the stuff I could’ve done.
Right before I left, she told me, “Do the things you want to do and have interest in and drop the things that you don’t like.” and just saying that to me means more then she or anyone else can imagine. If only my mom would actually take in that advice and let me drop the things I dislike.
That whole trip led to a thought. If I was this sad over seeing my aunt just lying there, how would I react if they were my parents or my sister. I don’t ever talk to my sister. I have a horrible relationship with my dad and I’m not that close with my mom but they still mean a lot to me. Gosh, death is scary. I think it makes it even scarier because no one knows what’s after death. There’s so many theories out there but are any of those theories even close to what the truth is?